<p class="ql-block">@所有人</p><p class="ql-block">華夏微型詩(shī)社第554期周周發(fā)同題創(chuàng)作開(kāi)始了。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"> 歡迎詩(shī)友們參與微型詩(shī)寫(xiě)作！請(qǐng)?jiān)缛諛?gòu)思打磨！</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">備注：</p><p class="ql-block">1、投稿、收稿時(shí)間：</p><p class="ql-block">2025年8月12日晚上7點(diǎn)——10點(diǎn)。</p><p class="ql-block">2、每人選投一首微型詩(shī)。</p><p class="ql-block">3、請(qǐng)單獨(dú)發(fā)帖，不要自行接龍，由岐麟散人老師統(tǒng)一收稿。</p><p class="ql-block">4、稿件選編到美篇，并由詩(shī)社老師予以點(diǎn)評(píng)。</p><p class="ql-block">5、本期題目：</p><p class="ql-block">①《暮望》</p><p class="ql-block">②《贈(zèng)言》</p><p class="ql-block">6.出題老師：昨夜星</p><p class="ql-block">7、交流時(shí)可交流兩首，投稿時(shí)只選投一首，收稿只收一首，點(diǎn)評(píng)也只點(diǎn)評(píng)一首。</p><p class="ql-block">8.優(yōu)秀作品推薦“微詩(shī)坊”。</p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順序1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/小乙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那頁(yè)筆跡淡雅如蘭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">飄著一縷縷祝福與期待</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">歲月里同窗畔有朵勿忘我</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):歲月長(zhǎng)河，流水悠悠，彼岸總有一″朵勿忘我″，那是我的同窗，"飄著一縷縷祝福與期待"，難以忘懷，溫馨長(zhǎng)存！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/鐘宛容（廣西）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">挖野菜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">青梅拿來(lái)釀酒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):首行是經(jīng)歷，末行是感悟與人生態(tài)度。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/白芷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">廣場(chǎng)上，涌出無(wú)數(shù)個(gè)我</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">向微涼的燈光——</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">討要忘卻，討要融入</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):廣場(chǎng)，喧鬧嘈雜，詩(shī)人步入此境，心緒突然受到?jīng)_激觸發(fā)，流淌心聲:″向微涼的燈光——/討要忘卻，討要融入"，這里"忘卻"與"融入"是一組矛盾體，"討"總與"欠"相呼應(yīng)，表達(dá)出詩(shī)人復(fù)雜渴求的心理狀態(tài)！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/南湖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只言片語(yǔ)間</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">飽含深情厚誼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">寄語(yǔ)未來(lái) 期待相見(jiàn)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):"只言片語(yǔ)"表達(dá)出心靈相知相通！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文／喜陽(yáng)柳保宅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">老師的勉勵(lì)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">如人生路上的燈塔</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">引我用知識(shí)報(bào)社會(huì)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):老師，人類(lèi)靈魂的工程師！不僅傳遞知識(shí)，而且指引心靈，致敬！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/趙正霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕霞送別那位老者</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">捧起遺留的金鑰匙 待開(kāi)啟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">又一個(gè) 黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):思念"那位老者"，繼承其遺志，開(kāi)創(chuàng)未來(lái)，立意佳！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/付光渝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)拂走最后一聲蟬鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蘆葦俯仰斜陽(yáng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">對(duì)岸的燈 替我數(shù)著歸帆</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域簡(jiǎn)評(píng):秋風(fēng)陣陣，秋暮泊目，秋意泛起。三行三組意象，前兩行興，末行起，耐品。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">554期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順序2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/陳果果</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">云影浸入河心 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">落日灑縷余暉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">透進(jìn)星子未醒的間隙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 云影、落日、星子，以光影遞進(jìn)勾勒暮色。"浸入""透進(jìn)"顯層次，寫(xiě)出暮之到來(lái)，星子"未醒"添靜謐，簡(jiǎn)筆繪出黃昏的朦朧美。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陽(yáng)光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">是一句座右銘 激勵(lì)我越過(guò)生活的溝坎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)景著自己</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 以"座右銘"喻贈(zèng)言力量，"越過(guò)溝坎"見(jiàn)實(shí)效。"風(fēng)景著自己"留白，巧妙，言明贈(zèng)言的力量。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吉新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">眼里生滿(mǎn)老繭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">從前的回憶都很慢</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">故鄉(xiāng)的炊煙裊裊，婷婷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀："眼里生滿(mǎn)老繭"道盡滄桑，"回憶都很慢"牽出鄉(xiāng)愁。故鄉(xiāng)炊煙"裊裊婷婷"，以柔景襯綿長(zhǎng)思念，寓情于景，暮望中露深情。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/老妖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">遠(yuǎn)方 飛機(jī)送達(dá)暖語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">挺潤(rùn)心在心中筑基砌墻</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">從此生活節(jié)奏多了份牽掛</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：暖語(yǔ)一句三冬暖，詩(shī)人的"飛機(jī)送達(dá)暖語(yǔ)"頗具現(xiàn)代感，二句情感流淌。末份一份牽掛一份情，顯示贈(zèng)言的重要性。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/森林雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一葉楓，紅在了立秋臉上</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">愛(ài)情詩(shī)箋來(lái)了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">金風(fēng)這個(gè)郵差，真準(zhǔn)時(shí)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：賦予立秋人物化，用紅楓表愛(ài)情，風(fēng)為媒，借節(jié)氣景物寫(xiě)贈(zèng)言，浪漫又應(yīng)時(shí)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/丹霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">當(dāng)年分別</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">你說(shuō)了好多話(huà)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">現(xiàn)在只有一句 刻在我骨子里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 今昔對(duì)比寫(xiě)出贈(zèng)言重要性，當(dāng)年"好多話(huà)"與如今"一句刻骨"，極簡(jiǎn)文字藏厚重，凸顯記憶沉淀后的珍貴，也道出詩(shī)人的情感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/康秀炎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕陽(yáng)坐在云端</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">把晚歸的人影越拉越長(zhǎng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">山坡上骨碌碌滾落一串鳥(niǎo)鳴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺詩(shī)："夕陽(yáng)坐云端"擬人生動(dòng)，人影"越拉越長(zhǎng)"暗含悵惘與悲憫。末句鳥(niǎo)鳴"骨碌碌滾落"，以聲代景，以動(dòng)破靜，徒添野趣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/張士杰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕陽(yáng)的最后一枚硬幣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">墜入群山儲(chǔ)錢(qián)罐</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夜，開(kāi)始找零</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀："夕陽(yáng)硬幣""群山儲(chǔ)錢(qián)罐"喻象新奇，"夜找零"用擬人手法承接前面的比喻，將暮色降臨寫(xiě)得趣意盎然，望之畫(huà)面感強(qiáng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/晗羲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">母親殷殷的眼神</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">兜住落日鮮紅的一顆心</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">印痕在了時(shí)空里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人淺讀：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 母親眼神"兜住"落日，意象溫暖。"印痕在時(shí)空"，將母愛(ài)與暮色相融，勾起讀者的聯(lián)想，悠悠游子心，款款母愛(ài)情。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順序3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/午后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">云彩已泛銹跡</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">誰(shuí)用最后的喧嘩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">鍍亮這半陂殘荷的晚風(fēng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 詩(shī)語(yǔ)純熟，詩(shī)意盎然?！颁P跡”形象，與“鍍亮”前后呼應(yīng)。尾句內(nèi)涵豐富，可謂佳句。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">水巷/上海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春雨 滴答 滴答</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)它的聲音</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">珍惜 珍惜！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 若有所思，必有感應(yīng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蘇有明/陜西</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">把“下次一定”折成紙船</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順生活溪流漂遠(yuǎn)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">撞見(jiàn)“這次就好”淺灘曬暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 活在當(dāng)下，其他的都是云煙。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/行天 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">愿我華夏子民們</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">永葆血性擔(dān)當(dāng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">捍衛(wèi)炎黃系統(tǒng)的純正</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 主題很宏大，表達(dá)欠技巧。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/墨客吟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">口吐一行金語(yǔ)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">打磨棱角</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">煉制滾燙的生活</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 皎皎者易污，峣峣者易折。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/岐麟散人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">看夕陽(yáng)被山尖一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)銜走</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那群鶴發(fā)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">在村口的風(fēng)里，矮成半截影子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “銜”“矮”煉字精彩。作品表達(dá)出新，有情有景，詩(shī)意綿綿，讓人聯(lián)想。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古墨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">很久了，西山硬扛著半個(gè)夕陽(yáng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">不肯落下</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">歸人的腳步，請(qǐng)?jiān)偬崴?lt;/span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞長(zhǎng)風(fēng)簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 用“歸人的腳步”反襯“暮晚的守望”，手法新穎別致，耐人尋味。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順序4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/林康養(yǎng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">當(dāng)初滾燙的祝福</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">與堅(jiān)硬現(xiàn)實(shí)猛烈踫撞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夢(mèng)難圓 情卻依然被時(shí)光拉長(zhǎng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 祝福是美好的，即使未能如愿，但深情依舊。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/書(shū)蟲(chóng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">楊柳岸，種幾粒星火</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夜黑路遙時(shí)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">重溫那一頁(yè)情誼，可燎原</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 語(yǔ)言?xún)?yōu)美，詩(shī)意濃厚。有臨別時(shí)的贈(zèng)言重溫，即使小如“星火”，但力量無(wú)窮，“可燎原”。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/王建剛</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">他望著天邊遲遲不落的光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">像等一個(gè)離開(kāi)的身影</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">晚風(fēng)，替他收起眼里的潮水</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 夕陽(yáng)下的一望，幾多感動(dòng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/許家利</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕陽(yáng) 卡在了肩頭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊煙助力 沾了一手</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">余暉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 構(gòu)思巧妙，”卡”得有力，”沾”得漂亮。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/聆水</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那團(tuán)殷紅一寸一寸慢慢地墜去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">好像一個(gè)生命</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">對(duì)塵世 最后的眷戀和決絕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 夕陽(yáng)西下時(shí)的聯(lián)想，表達(dá)對(duì)生命的感悟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古道白楊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊煙升騰 喚回</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">貪玩的夕陽(yáng) 瘦月無(wú)眠 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">貪婪啃著草上霜 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松簡(jiǎn)評(píng):</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 多個(gè)意象呈現(xiàn)晚景，“啃”字出新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贈(zèng)言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雨花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">還排隊(duì)絕種嗎，小草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">大地沒(méi)沙化</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">倒合了花樹(shù)的意</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 這是要表達(dá)什么？</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">黑火山泥環(huán)抱乳白泛藍(lán)的溫泉 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">熔煉夕陽(yáng)倒影 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">眾生瞳仁靜燃同一種虔誠(chéng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 記得華夏微詩(shī)社“微詩(shī)坊”推出你的一首微詩(shī)，用語(yǔ)簡(jiǎn)單，有內(nèi)在深意?；睘楹?jiǎn)，用自然，凝練的詩(shī)語(yǔ)去表達(dá)題旨，更能讓讀者心領(lǐng)神會(huì)。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">順序5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雨灑第一季</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">靚女，穿著火裙站在天邊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">曖昧成嬪妃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">終將隨光陰一起老去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">借景感嘆青春年華遠(yuǎn)去，光陰已逝的無(wú)奈、傷感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/往往醉后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊煙漫過(guò)樹(shù)梢</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕陽(yáng) 把水面浸成橘色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">誰(shuí) 又獨(dú)釣滿(mǎn)塘秋</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">前兩句描寫(xiě)景色，一幅畫(huà)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">定格在眼前。尾句抒情，讓微詩(shī)活了起來(lái)，張力十足。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雪兒懷春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">兒女遠(yuǎn)走異鄉(xiāng)心坦然</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">生育觀是道坎啊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">老嫗渴望他們醒悟轉(zhuǎn)變</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">說(shuō)理成分多了。心中之想，之觀點(diǎn)，含蓄道出，會(huì)好些。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/葦強(qiáng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夏末天色暗下來(lái)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">漸漸掩蓋歸鳥(niǎo)的翅膀</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蛙和蟲(chóng)又可能一直叫到黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">通過(guò)描述眼前之景，道出蛙和蟲(chóng)的又要工地到黎明了。僅從字面上理解，沒(méi)有什么深的主旨。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">結(jié)尾的感受，挖掘還需想辦法。有前兩句鋪墊，后面的提升一定得有個(gè)有力，讓人思考的結(jié)尾。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/高峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕陽(yáng) 把影子越拉越長(zhǎng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">風(fēng)吹走最后一片晚霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">歸鳥(niǎo) 卻馱起半枚月亮</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">“夕陽(yáng)”“晚霞”“歸鳥(niǎo)”“月亮”，由時(shí)間為線(xiàn)索，句句寫(xiě)景。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/禪心素夢(mèng)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕霞染紅長(zhǎng)河</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蒼山 擎起一輪皎月</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">渡口釣歸人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星簡(jiǎn)評(píng)：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 簡(jiǎn)潔、凝練、意味深長(zhǎng)。作者寫(xiě)景后，不忘寫(xiě)人。情景交融，呈現(xiàn)出一幅暮望圖：美！</span></p>