<p class="ql-block"> 學(xué)習(xí)詩詞，偶有拙作，編成美篇，意在交流，懇請(qǐng)方家和讀者不吝賜教。</p><p class="ql-block"> —— 桃源來客</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">衷心感謝</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">許信斌、劉和平、成玉香等老師的</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">親切關(guān)懷和精心指導(dǎo)！</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:22px;">請(qǐng)您欣賞?</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">云</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">形伴風(fēng)吹知?jiǎng)屿o，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">魂隨雨落任紛飛。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">回頭俯瞰多城廓，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">早已無家再可歸。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">云</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">形隨風(fēng)勢(shì)卷舒飛，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">魂化甘霖潤翠微。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">卻瞰人間城郭遠(yuǎn)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">故園何處覓柴扉？</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">古稀年</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">三生颯爽英雄氣，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">一世柔情鐵骨堅(jiān)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">笑看風(fēng)云多變色，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">如梅怒放樂寒天。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">路在何方</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">人生行走路一條，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">莫羨達(dá)官膽氣豪。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">雙手辟開新世界，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">幸福自古是勤勞。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">與思齊</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">岸英婚禮露真心，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">淚迸腸絕哭母親。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">寧為夫君成偉業(yè)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">決然就義意情深。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">與思齊</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">岸英婚禮見丹忱，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">淚染襟懷憶母恩。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">為助夫君酬壯志，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">舍生取義柏森森。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">有所思</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">星星之火可燎原，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">游訪南街方寸顛。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">歸去仍思揮不去，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">星星之火可燎原。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">有所思</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">星火燎原初可燃，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">南街游訪意難安。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">歸途猶自頻回首，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">一念如光夜未闌。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕 · <b style="font-size:22px;">高考后</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">等待通知?dú)w故鄉(xiāng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不思茶飯恨天長(zhǎng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">但求喜訊傳來早，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">謝過高堂向遠(yuǎn)方。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">高考后</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">日數(shù)歸期返故鄉(xiāng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不思茶飯?jiān)固扉L(zhǎng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">但求喜報(bào)飛來早，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">拜過高堂向遠(yuǎn)方。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">老少悟</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">治療總信老醫(yī)生，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">強(qiáng)識(shí)博聞技術(shù)精。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">病號(hào)床前人望盡，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">歷來護(hù)士永年輕。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕· <b style="font-size:22px;">女護(hù)士</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">面容含笑送春風(fēng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">輸液咨詢忙不停。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">雖似浮萍逢水過，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">白衣天使最溫情。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">女護(hù)士</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">春風(fēng)和氣漾聲容，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">纖手穿梭護(hù)理中。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">縱使萍蹤隨水轉(zhuǎn)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">冰心一片暖情濃。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕· <b style="font-size:22px;">車 流</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">瞧親車輛似繁星，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">西往東來經(jīng)雨風(fēng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">看破紅塵多少事，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">價(jià)值最貴是深情。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">定風(fēng)波·<b style="font-size:22px;">軍旗頌</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">——紀(jì)念抗戰(zhàn)勝利八十周年</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 抗戰(zhàn)八年炮火揚(yáng)，軍旗招展救國亡。參戰(zhàn)全民齊浴血，殲滅，打得日寇滾東洋。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 今日三軍成偉業(yè)，如鐵，成群航母固邊疆。笑看誰人風(fēng)草動(dòng)，命送，春風(fēng)浩蕩起東方。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">定風(fēng)波·<b style="font-size:22px;">軍旗頌</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">——紀(jì)念抗戰(zhàn)勝利八十周年</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 烽火連天八載長(zhǎng)，赤旗漫卷拯危亡。萬眾揮戈同赴難，酣戰(zhàn)，終教倭寇遁汪洋。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 鐵甲今朝成壁壘，雄偉，銀鷹巨艦衛(wèi)金湯。敢有豺狼窺禹甸，亮劍，東風(fēng)浩蕩護(hù)滄桑。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">紫薇賀婚</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"> </p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫霞流瓦煥云堂，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">百日子紅合巹香。 </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">鵲踏瓊枝銜錦至，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫薇花引紫薇郎。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">紫薇花開</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">清露洇干倍有神，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">柔姿款款慰風(fēng)塵。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不爭(zhēng)桃李暄妍季，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">獨(dú)向秋深百日春。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">詩友和詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">和老弟《紫薇花開》</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">許信斌</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">百日花開倍有神，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">芳姿柔蕊蕩風(fēng)塵。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">花前合影佳人笑，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">一展愁眉面似春。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">酷 暑</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">——讀《暑宿平城鎮(zhèn)》有感</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">平城夢(mèng)覺似仙鄉(xiāng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">古寨風(fēng)來夜氣香。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">誰念農(nóng)夫忙抗旱，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">汗隨噴灌射千方。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">附:</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">《暑宿平城鎮(zhèn)》</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">太行深處覓清涼，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">古寨風(fēng)來夜氣香。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">石巷苔痕洇舊史，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 山窗竹影動(dòng)微光。 </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">蟬鳴高樹聲猶遠(yuǎn)， </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">月過中庭影自長(zhǎng)。 </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">一枕松濤消暑意， </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 平城夢(mèng)覺似仙鄉(xiāng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">夢(mèng) 母</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">肚饑夜半見親娘，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">喚烙白饃煮面湯。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">母在廚房身影逝，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">空余思念淚成行。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">望鎖蛟崖感懷</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">夏日炎炎暑氣蒸，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">行經(jīng)古寨遇涼風(fēng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">高山流水泠泠唱，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不見知音誰與聽？</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">望鎖蛟崖感懷</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">炎炎暑氣漫山蒸， </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 為覓清涼古寨行。 </span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">流水高山情不盡，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 空崖誰解斷腸聲？</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">詩友和詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">題 圖</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">許信斌</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">赤日炎炎似火攻，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">紅顏觀瀑享清風(fēng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">高山流水情難寄，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span>簫曲唯期君耳聰。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">2025.7.17</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">題《拄拐遠(yuǎn)眺》圖</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">雙拐輕量小路長(zhǎng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">凝眸去處霧蒼茫。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">人生未必晴方好，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">心在煙霞第幾鄉(xiāng)？</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">老師改稿</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">五絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">題《拄拐遠(yuǎn)眺》圖</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"> 施恩叆</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">雙支野徑長(zhǎng)，凝目霧蒼茫。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不羨晴方好，心棲云水鄉(xiāng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">詩友和詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">步韻也題《拄拐遠(yuǎn)眺》</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">陳鳳鳴</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">拄 地轉(zhuǎn)身幽怨長(zhǎng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">拐 彎磨角話蒼茫。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">遠(yuǎn) 思近想心頭念，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">眺 望情牽是他鄉(xiāng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">題《拐哥》照片</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">曾醉千觴意氣揚(yáng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">今扶手杖嘆途長(zhǎng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">誰言杯底乾坤闊？</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">步履蹣跚愧稚郎！</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">詩友和詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">也戲題圖</b>（步韻《拐哥》）</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">陳鳳鳴</p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">人高馬大本軒揚(yáng)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">嘆氣如今步不長(zhǎng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">后悔多貪杯內(nèi)物，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">修成鐵拐李家郎！</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">?</span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕·<b style="font-size:22px;">和許兄《贈(zèng)友人》</b>（新韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">光陰有限盡知之，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">為愛傾情總不遲。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">莫道向隅癡態(tài)好，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">歡娛只在醒覺時(shí)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:20px; color:rgb(22, 126, 251);">附詩友詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">贈(zèng)友人</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:18px;">許信斌</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">詩壇百草正當(dāng)時(shí)，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">興旺常青人盡知。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">七步成章奇異客，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">筆耕怎會(huì)老年癡。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">向晚一隅</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:18px;">百草</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">依稀入夢(mèng)醒來遲，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">往事如煙卻忘之。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">不識(shí)人間真面目，</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">向隅作態(tài)老年癡。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="font-size:22px;">學(xué) 詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">（步白居易《銷暑》韻）</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">花甲學(xué)詩晚，傾心實(shí)踐中。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">觀霞連夜雨，用韻慕唐風(fēng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">聽課欣神靜，提毫恨腹空。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">奇思終不得，還盼與人同。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><b style="color:rgb(22, 126, 251); font-size:20px;">老師點(diǎn)評(píng)</b></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 開篇直抒胸臆，"花甲學(xué)詩"點(diǎn)明背景，"傾心實(shí)踐"展現(xiàn)熱忱，奠定全詩基調(diào)。但"實(shí)踐中"稍顯口語化，改為"篤志中"更文雅。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 頷聯(lián)"觀霞"、"夜雨"寫自然感悟，"慕唐風(fēng)"表藝術(shù)追求，虛實(shí)相生,對(duì)仗工整，意象優(yōu)美,"連夜雨"或可改為"兼夜雨"更順。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 頸聯(lián)真實(shí)刻畫學(xué)詩者心態(tài)——聽課時(shí)的專注（"神靜"）與創(chuàng)作時(shí)的困窘（"恨腹空"），對(duì)比鮮明，讓人產(chǎn)生強(qiáng)烈共鳴，”恨腹空"改"嘆腹空"更顯謙和。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 尾聯(lián)以"不得"與"盼同"的矛盾收束，既坦誠作者學(xué)識(shí)不足，又表達(dá)向他人學(xué)習(xí)的開放心態(tài)，余韻悠長(zhǎng)，"終不得"或可改為"猶未得"，更顯持續(xù)努力之意。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> —— 張恒峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">?</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;">七絕· <b style="font-size:22px;">學(xué) 詩</b></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">花甲學(xué)詩遲，傾心篤志中。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">觀霞兼夜雨，用韻慕唐風(fēng)。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">聽課欣神靜，提毫嘆腹空。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><span style="font-size:22px;">奇思猶未得，還盼與人同。</span></p><p class="ql-block" style="text-align:center;"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:18px;">注：根據(jù)老師指導(dǎo)，整理后大有進(jìn)步。特別是改“終”為“猶”，確實(shí)順暢了許多，但仍有很大提升空間，中二聯(lián)句式相同、語言直白；轉(zhuǎn)句不夠明顯，結(jié)句平淡等，還需要自己勤奮讀書，掌握技巧，珍惜在學(xué)習(xí)路上的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴，多向詩友們學(xué)習(xí)，加強(qiáng)交流，不斷進(jìn)步。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:18px;"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p>