<p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??曲池荷</p><p class="ql-block">潘迅之</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">荷盤承雨弄新鮮,翠蓋紅妝照眼圓。</p><p class="ql-block">最愛晚涼風(fēng)露下,一枝斜插鬢云邊。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);">君羊點(diǎn)評:此絕摹荷之韻,得神采三昧。首句"荷盤承雨弄新鮮",以"承雨"擬荷葉承露之態(tài),"弄"字點(diǎn)活雨珠滾轉(zhuǎn)之趣,若見翠玉盤中瓊漿流轉(zhuǎn) 。次句"翠蓋紅妝照眼圓",巧設(shè)雙喻:以"翠蓋"狀荷葉之形,"紅妝"擬荷花之色,青朱交映間,既合"接天蓮葉無窮碧"之壯闊,復(fù)得"映日荷花別樣紅"之明艷 。轉(zhuǎn)句"最愛晚涼風(fēng)露下",陡轉(zhuǎn)視角,由物及人,于溽暑中覓得清涼佳境,暗合"水晶簾動(dòng)微風(fēng)起"之妙趣。結(jié)句"一枝斜插鬢云邊",尤見奇思:將自然物象化入閨閣妝扮,既顯"清水出芙蓉"之高潔,復(fù)添"云鬢花顏金步搖"之風(fēng)致,物我交融間,方知"此花不與群花比"之妙 。全篇煉字精當(dāng),"弄""照""插"三字尤見匠心,使靜景含動(dòng)勢,物象生人情,誠詠荷詩中清麗之作也。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??立夏時(shí)節(jié)賞新荷(嵌句)</p><p class="ql-block">靜心</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">粉瓣輕搖香暗送,一池荷葉醉凝眸。</p><p class="ql-block">蘭舟棹水云心共,欲挽春歌載夏柔。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);">君羊點(diǎn)評:此詩以立夏新荷為題,嵌句自然,四韻流轉(zhuǎn)。首句"粉瓣輕搖香暗送",摹色傳香,"輕搖"狀荷之曼妙,"暗送"擬香之幽微,視聽交融間見物態(tài)生機(jī) 。次句"醉凝眸"三字尤妙,以擬人筆法賦予荷葉靈性,池中萬葉皆含情凝睇,靜中寓動(dòng),暗合"望天門山"之青山相對出意趣 。轉(zhuǎn)句"蘭舟棹水云心共",拓境于天地,舟行煙水,云影相隨,化實(shí)景為虛境,得"青驄尾蘸鴨頭波"之空靈 。結(jié)句"欲挽春歌載夏柔",巧作時(shí)序嬗遞之思,挽春之念與迎夏之柔相綰,余韻裊裊如荷香縈懷 。全篇煉字精準(zhǔn),"輕搖""醉凝"見筆力,"云心""夏柔"顯詩心,嵌題無痕而立意自深。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??立夏閑吟</p><p class="ql-block">莊永昶</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">綠蔭如蓋晝猶長,幾處蛙聲鬧水塘。</p><p class="ql-block">草木依然爭向上,世風(fēng)日下嘆炎涼。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);">君羊點(diǎn)評:《立夏閑吟 》前二句摹初夏物候,綠蔭如蓋、蛙鼓喧塘,以"晝猶長"暗合節(jié)氣流轉(zhuǎn)之趣,聲色交融間生機(jī)盎然。后二句陡轉(zhuǎn)筆鋒,草木爭榮之態(tài)與"世風(fēng)日下"之嘆形成冷暖對照,"爭向上"擬人傳神,"嘆炎涼"托物寄慨,于炎夏酷暑中窺見人間寒涼。末句"嘆"字力透紙背,將自然時(shí)序之變與世道人心之遷巧妙勾連,使全詩兼具節(jié)氣詩之清新與諷喻詩之深沉,誠為今人詠物抒懷之佳構(gòu)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??夏初臨?漸暖</p><p class="ql-block">紅塵芥子</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">漸暖天時(shí),未忙季節(jié),人間最值心慵。樹綠濃陰,耳邊鳥語匆匆。凌霄荼靡攀空。感榴花、如火嬌容。山亭園榭,蛙鳴碧水,翠柳搖風(fēng)。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">玫瑰正艷,月季生香,潤風(fēng)吹處,戲鼓咚咚。調(diào)箏舞扇,紅衫翠袖跟從。碧草坪間,看舉家、歡笑融融。擬移躬。當(dāng)坐高鐵去,蘇北山東。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);">君羊點(diǎn)評:此詞摹四時(shí)之序,繪初夏風(fēng)神,工筆點(diǎn)染間見巧思。上片"漸暖天時(shí)"起勢從容,"樹綠濃陰"至"翠柳搖風(fēng)"句,以視聽通感摹物態(tài):綠蔭濃處鳥語碎,凌霄荼蘼競攀空,榴火灼灼映山亭,蛙鼓聲聲和柳風(fēng),五色交輝而聲韻流轉(zhuǎn),儼然少陵"江碧鳥逾白"之境 。下片轉(zhuǎn)寫人事,"玫瑰月季"濃艷生香,"戲鼓調(diào)箏"喧闐成趣,碧草草坪間舉家融融,以"紅衫翠袖"點(diǎn)染歡愉,色彩明艷如設(shè)色院畫。結(jié)句"高鐵"之想,破空而來,將古意盎然之景與今時(shí)便捷之途相綰,時(shí)空交錯(cuò)間見時(shí)代新聲。全篇煉字尤妙,"攀""攀""嬌"三字?jǐn)M人傳神,"咚咚""融融"疊字增韻,聲色交融處,夏意盎然自紙間流淌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??浣溪沙 腳印</p><p class="ql-block">碧涵</p><p class="ql-block">幾度春秋霜染頭。行穿塵客印痕留。風(fēng)刀雪劍刻心眸。</p><p class="ql-block">歲月悄催雙鬢改,世途漸共夢魂休。憑欄唯見水空流。</p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);">君羊點(diǎn)評:此詞以"霜染頭""風(fēng)刀雪劍"為骨,刻歲月之痕,狀世途之艱。意象凝練,如"印痕留"暗喻浮生履跡,"水空流"隱喻韶華難追,時(shí)空交織間見蒼茫。對仗工穩(wěn),"霜染"應(yīng)"雙鬢","風(fēng)刀"對"世途",虛實(shí)相生。尤妙在結(jié)句"唯見"二字,陡轉(zhuǎn)空寂,將前文激蕩盡歸沉郁,得東坡"休將白發(fā)唱黃雞"之反意而自成新境 。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(57, 181, 74);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??品圖口占</p><p class="ql-block">陳再發(fā)(廣東汕頭)</p><p class="ql-block">窗外春光如畫開,疑為素女奏仙臺。</p><p class="ql-block">笛聲婉轉(zhuǎn)牽人魄,但待知音對弈來。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">君羊點(diǎn)評:《品圖口占》一詩,以簡淡筆墨勾畫春景,暗藏玄機(jī)。首句“窗外春光如畫開”,以“如畫”二字破空而來,既點(diǎn)明題中“品圖”之旨,又以虛筆寫實(shí),春色如丹青潑灑,頓生畫境 。次句“疑為素女奏仙臺”,陡轉(zhuǎn)神思,將自然春光幻化為瑤臺仙樂,素女弄弦之典,既暗合“奏”字之妙,又賦予畫面空靈仙韻,虛實(shí)相生間舉重若輕。</span></p><p class="ql-block"> </p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">后二句“笛聲婉轉(zhuǎn)牽人魄,但待知音對弈來”,由視轉(zhuǎn)聽,以聲傳情。笛韻牽魂,化無形之聲為有形之魄,摹寫入神;末句“待知音”三字,既呼應(yīng)首句“如畫”之境,又暗含高山流水之思,余音裊裊中見孤高心性。全篇煉字精準(zhǔn),“疑”“牽”“待”三字尤見匠心,使靜景含動(dòng)勢,物象生情致,深得唐人絕句含蓄蘊(yùn)藉之妙。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??題 圖</p><p class="ql-block">紅紅</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">霧隱亭臺水墨天,神姿飄逸弄絲弦。</p><p class="ql-block">幾枚棋子敲云影,一曲清音漾碧漣。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">君羊點(diǎn)評:此七絕以水墨丹青為骨,清音雅韻為魂,堪稱妙絕。首句"霧隱亭臺水墨天",以焦墨潑灑云山,霧靄氤氳間亭臺半隱,如米家煙雨山水躍然紙上 。次句"神姿飄逸弄絲弦",化靜為動(dòng),素手調(diào)弦間仙姿宛現(xiàn),暗合《詩經(jīng)》"琴瑟在御"之雅意。轉(zhuǎn)句"幾枚棋子敲云影"尤見奇絕,棋枰落子驚動(dòng)九霄云影,以動(dòng)襯靜間愈顯空靈,較之東坡"亂石穿空"更多禪趣。結(jié)句"一曲清音漾碧漣",聲畫交融,余音裊裊化碧波千頃,恰似白石道人"余音繞梁"之妙境 。全篇煉字如"隱""弄""敲""漾"四動(dòng)詞,或藏鋒或露鍔,使畫面如古琴曲調(diào)般跌宕生姿,誠為當(dāng)代七絕之典范。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??題圖 (頂真體)</p><p class="ql-block">邱峰(江西)</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">皎月清明照玉人,人慵柳岸夜思春。</p><p class="ql-block">春風(fēng)不解奴心意,意境綿長恨更頻。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">君羊點(diǎn)評:《題圖》頂真體七絕,章法精妙,意蘊(yùn)深婉。首句“皎月清明照玉人”,以清輝啟卷,玉人獨(dú)立,月魄人魂相映,冷寂中見幽韻。次句“人慵柳岸夜思春”,“人慵”承上,“柳岸”拓境,慵態(tài)與春思交織,暗藏情愫流轉(zhuǎn)。三句“春風(fēng)不解奴心意”,陡轉(zhuǎn)擬人,春風(fēng)無情反襯愁腸百結(jié),筆鋒犀利。結(jié)句“意境綿長恨更頻”,以“恨頻”收束,余音裊裊,恨意如春草蔓生,綿邈無盡。</span></p><p class="ql-block"> </p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">其妙在頂真回環(huán),句句相銜,如珠走盤,氣脈貫通。意象清麗而含蓄,月、柳、風(fēng)皆染愁緒,物我交融。煉字尤工,“照”字凝靜,“慵”字傳神,“不解”點(diǎn)睛,盡顯婉轉(zhuǎn)情致。全篇以景鎖情,情寓景中,堪稱題圖詩之佳構(gòu)。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??廊臺幽思</p><p class="ql-block">吳鳳琴</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">碧湖波映木廊臺,素袂佳人玉笛哀。</p><p class="ql-block">棋亂未收思緒遠(yuǎn),霧中亭影帶愁來 。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">君羊點(diǎn)評:《廊臺幽思》七絕,景情交融,妙在虛實(shí)相生。首句“碧湖波映木廊臺”,以“映”字勾連水光廊影,靜中藏動(dòng),如展青綠山水卷軸 。次句“素袂佳人玉笛哀”,“素袂”襯笛韻之幽咽,佳人獨(dú)立,笛聲穿霧,愁緒暗度。三句“棋亂未收思緒遠(yuǎn)”,借未收棋局喻心緒紛紜,構(gòu)思奇絕,棋枰與情思渾然相契。結(jié)句“霧中亭影帶愁來”,“帶”字?jǐn)M人,愁隨霧涌,亭影朦朧,余韻裊裊。全篇煉字精當(dāng),意象清冷,以景鎖情而情溢于景,深得絕句含蓄蘊(yùn)藉之旨。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p> <p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">??棋趣</p><p class="ql-block">山高林密</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">江舟竹影閣樓空,破曉鄉(xiāng)園棋趣同。</p><p class="ql-block">不識何人來對弈,笛聲扶我過橋東。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);">君羊點(diǎn)評:《棋趣》造境空靈,筆法婉轉(zhuǎn),深得題圖詩之妙。首句“江舟竹影閣樓空”,以疏淡之筆勾勒江畔景致,竹影婆娑,樓臺寂寥,暗合“空”字之禪意。次句“破曉鄉(xiāng)園棋趣同”,轉(zhuǎn)寫晨光初現(xiàn)時(shí)鄉(xiāng)居棋局,時(shí)空交錯(cuò)間見閑趣,虛實(shí)相生。第三句“不識何人來對弈”,設(shè)問轉(zhuǎn)折,留白處引人遐思,暗藏“無人對弈而自弈”之趣。結(jié)句“笛聲扶我過橋東”,以聲結(jié)景,笛韻悠揚(yáng)中見超然物外之境,余音裊裊,余韻綿長。全篇煉字精準(zhǔn),如“扶”字化無形笛聲為有形牽引,使畫面靈動(dòng)生姿。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="color:rgb(176, 79, 187);"><span class="ql-cursor">?</span></span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p>